It’s my second to last night working at the hotel, and I get a prank call from my coworkers asking me to come hang out before I drive home tonight. We’re laughing together, they tell me they love me and I’m sitting here smiling when I think about how silly they are.
I’m sad to be leaving this job because I won’t get to see all of these wonderful people quite as often. I love Emma and our philosophical conversations, Becky being sassy and hilarious, Beth who is super vibrant and Jessica with her kindness and strength. I’m so happy to know Becca whose a total crack up, Laurice the wild woman and Jonathan, who lets me be a brat to him just so I can laugh at myself.
Mostly, I am so incredibly thankful to have become such great friends with Nicole, who is so sweet, fun and adventuress and a really wonderful friend. In a short time, she has become one of my best friends and that makes me feel such a warm comfort in my heart.
These are all really great humans that I was lucky enough to spend time with over the last 4 months, and who I hope to continue being friends with after this transition.
But I am going, none the less. I applied for a job with the Native American tribe in my little town off of Highway 6 (population 200) and got hired on as their Bookkeeper. It’s 7 miles away from my house, as opposed to the hotel being 40 miles away. I’ll work less hours but get paid more, it’s closer, and the learning opportunity is an amazing one. I’ve already worked 2 days at the Reservation and have felt challenged but confident, expectant and excited. There’s a lot of good that can come out of this.
So I am officially employed with the Utu Utu Gwaitu Paiute Tribe in Eastern California. I am proud of my success in finding this job, in the middle of no where, and getting hired on. Settling here in the area keeps getting easier and easier with time and effort.
Though I feel more at peace with the major changes over this last year, I feel a burning sense of chaos and adventure in my soul as well. Being here has opened up such strong feelings within me to go out, explore and do more than ever before. I feel so privileged to be alive. I feel so privileged to have all of my senses to enjoy the world around me.
When I lived on the coast, I feel like I took advantage of what and who I had around me. The beautiful beach environment, coastal climate, big populations to dive into and enjoy. I loved where I lived, but not to the extent it deserved. I love all the people I spent my days with, but I wish I would’ve loved them even more. Or maybe not more, but just better. I wish I loved everyone a little better. 🙂
But that is why I am here – to learn to live and love better. And I am trying. In a lot of instances, I have no choice but to focus on what I need to do because that’s all there is for me to do. There is such a clear view of how to get to my goals and desires.
And there are a few “ultimate truths” that I’ve been turning over in my head recently that have allowed me to see things for what they are right now…
I miss my friend Joshua. His death was the most startling wake up call that I have ever experienced. Our fragile mortality as humans became all too stunningly clear to me. To not learn from him, and what all of my friends and I went through, would be dishonorable to him as much as it would be to myself. Life has new meaning to me now because of him.
I am never moving back to San Luis Obispo county. I love it there, so much, but I can’t go back there to live. I want to go farther. Not now, but when I am ready.. or when I’m not ready.. when the time comes, I want to go somewhere new again and again after that. The only reason to go back to where I’ve been is for the love I created that is still there, and the reminder to keep moving forward while balancing the memories of the past.
And I can’t help but wish I had someone to share all of this with. A partner who I can love with all of my heart and feel that love in return. But to live this life on my own terms is an extraordinary, loving experience and I appreciate this time that I have for myself right now.
I am looking forward to Spring time with such intensity, I could explode!! It’s overwhelming thinking about all of the adventures I’ll get to go on with Nicole, the photography opportunities with the new camera I’m getting, fixing up my mountain bike to try new trails. The garden will be starting to bloom, I’ll be going kayaking, fishing and entering trout derbies with Dad, hiking and trying new camping spots, going off-roading and then getting out of town to go enjoy the Spring time elsewhere; it’s so much to look forward to.
This is a new routine for me. A routine of adventure and appreciation to the utmost of my abilities.