I believe in slow and steady change. I see my life in front of me as a pathway, with the days I have left unknown, serving as a reminder to enjoy my time: bask in the breeze while under the heat of the sun and observe each obstacle in front of me before I make my move. There is so much unsaid about our individual willpower and how much strength it holds. We are what we put effort in to. We are what we leave behind, completed or not.
It’s been a little over a month now since I have moved. The change in everything I had come to know has been huge. The change inside of me has been slow, but the potential I have with this space and time is much more vast than my surroundings. I’m still descending from the leap I took, and this is the calming feeling, the “eye of the storm”, before I land in what’s below me. Before I land in what I’ve been waiting to create.
2016 has been one hell of a year so far. Since it’s beginning, there have been numerous signs pointing me in the direction I’m now going in. Several long-term astrological horoscopes have hinted towards major change; Bella’s tarot reading spoke of my present situation – a major move of home and family – to have a prosperous outcome; and while at the fair this year, the palm reader said I was going through an “energy shift” currently: that it is an intense flurry of situations and transformations coming in a short period of time. Most importantly, the support of my family and friends has shown me that this is the way I’m supposed to be heading.
I miss what I used to know in daily life, but it’s getting easier to let go and ease in to my place here, whatever that may be. The isolation is bittersweet but I’m trying to see it in the simple terms of: this is just a lot of room for me to grow. In oppose to the pain of being stunted and trapped in a stagnant lifestyle, I am learning to welcome the growing pains that come with change. I’m nervous but I have no choice. I am adapting.
Work on the property has been slow going on account of my finances (lack thereof) and the crazy schedule Dad has to keep while still working on the coast. There are many little bits and pieces I do by myself here and it will add up to create a bigger picture in the coming months. In small ways, I’ve been able to grasp a better vision of what I need to plan and prepare for in next years growing season. After watching a few documentaries the last few days – “A Passion for Sustainability” (2008), “Permaculture: A Quiet Revolution” (2008), “Perma Kultcha” (2010) – and starting a new book, “Organic Gardening in Cold Climates” by Sandra Perrin, I have a lot of information to compile before breaking ground. I have big dreams for the farm and it’s getting a little easier to narrow down where I want to go with it.
We’ll be applying for the business permit soon and that will feel satisfying. I have to re-submit a form to continue on with the application in founding the dog rescue non-profit, but I know where to go from here and that is good. It’s a lot at once but I want these opportunities sooner rather than later. If there’s a will, there’s a way and things will start to fit together soon.
My last trip to the coast, I drove 14 hours in a 24 hour period and it was completely worth it. Lizzie and I had a great time at the show in SLO watching our friend Shane perform (surprising to us) and to see one of my favorite bands from my house shows perform, Los DeVitos. Even with all of the changes, I want to and will stay loyal and dedicated to the friendships I’ve created in the past year and continue to support the dream chasers I know.
I think it’s easier to see things a little more objectively when you have the ability to step away from the whole environment you were once in and know so well. Being able to come back but still have that space, the distance from what people used to know my life as to what it is now, has made me more sensitive to the experiences of my loved ones. I am reminded of the losses my friend group experienced earlier this year and how important it is to show our friends and family, our individual communities in the life we live, the most compassion we can.
If someone seems to be falling out of the realm of what we find healthy, we cannot proceed with mocking, with demonizing or with controlling. We must be asking and listening, pausing our own perceptions to truly try and understand. Ask questions instead of passing judgment. Take a break for a moment and let your mind rest before reacting. Extend your table, don’t build a higher fence.
We don’t know how long we have so do your best in everything and leave beauty everywhere you go.
Currently Thankful For:
~ the present
~ space, lots of it
~ not having neighbors
~ expressing myself
~ feeling, emotions, sensitivity
~ memories made
~ memories to come
~ Films for Actions
~ will power
~ the power to choose